Ghosted by your friend

Let's talk about friendship, a relationship that many of us neglect while it is as important as love or family relationships. 

Image by @peterashlee

Many people think that a friendship has to end because of a drama or a big fight. But no, you are wrong! It is hard to see people you used to be close to distance themselves from you. They don't talk to you anymore and sometimes for no particular reason.

Why don't you talk to each other anymore?

Some friendships are meant to last while others are only temporary. First of all, be aware of people who were with you for the wrong reasons, for their own interests. These people were only there because of what you could bring them: help with school work, personal projects, popularity, connections... Here is an example we probably all know: you became friends at school. You share everything and help each other with your assignments... And once school is over, you don't hear from that person anymore. 

Another reason is that they are perhaps ashamed of you or don't appreciate you enough. Yes, you read that right: " ASHAMED OF YOU", "DON'T APPRECIATE YOU ENOUGH". This may come in small things such as planned activities where you are not always invited or you are called at the very last moment. It can be disappointing, especially when you find out on social media. Ouch.

You may also notice that he/she doesn't post you in their Social media stories. Indeed, it may be seen that they don't want to be associate with you or that you are not good enough to appear on their social media. This could seem ridiculous to you but it matters to some people. Let's not judge and learn to not dismiss other people's feelings!

Images by @mikaeljansson, @gap & @patrickdemarchelier

Know the difference 

We have been using the word "friend" since the beginning but I think it is not the right choice. Normally, in a true friendship, it shouldn't be any rejection, any ghosting. 

First of all, you need to analyse the type of friendship you have. Is it a friend, an acquaintance, a schoolmate, a colleague, etc.? Indeed, there is a big difference between these types of people. 

You have been rejected by this person maybe because for him/her you were just an acquaintance. Therefore, it is understandable that they don't talk to you often or invite you to parties because you are considered as an acquaintance. 

It's our responsibility to know and make that difference so that we don't get hurt and end up in a one-sided relationship. Reciprocity is not only about people in relationships. It also applies to friendship and all human interactions: even at work.

Their way or nothing 

The last point is the fact that this person has ignored you because you made a comment or said something that she/he didn't appreciate. Suddenly, you don't hear from them anymore. It is because they find it hard to forgive you for this mistake. 

Sadly, you will often see that it is easier for them to forgive others who have hurt them more. You will probably ask yourself: "Why?", "How is this possible?". Unfortunately, we can't exactly tell you why. However, as human beings, we are often attracted to people who reject us or hurt us the most.

Image by @patrickdemarchelier

Acceptance and healing 

Communication comes first in everything! You should try to get in touch with them to find out what is going on. How is he/she doing? It may be that this person is not doing very well: depression, anxiety, isolation… If after sending several messages you receive either a mean, rude message or no reply at all: well, move on!

On the other hand, it is essential to acknowledge and accept your frustration, sadness and anger. Don't force anything because friendship should lift you up and not drain you. We have to forgive even if it's easier said than done. The most important thing is to focus on yourself and other relationships. 

This disappointment should not stop you from meeting new people. We have to remember that some people grow apart, and that's okay too. Just be a good person and a good friend to those who are still here. Sadly, we focus more on people who have left us, and we forget those who are there for us. 

Don’t only keep in mind those people/friends but it is also important to question ourselves: we may be the ones who have also rejected our friends. Remember that it's not always the other person's fault but it can be yours too. Sometimes these relationships were meant to last for a moment, or maybe you just don't deserve each other. 

Longlasting friends are not easy to find but whoever is meant to be in your life will always be there. Never force anything. Always surround yourself with people who share the same interests as you and everything should be okay. We should focus on what makes us happy and above all seek to be in mutual relationships! And the rest should follow. Let’s be nice and patient to each other because we’re all trying our best.

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